Looking For A Down Payment On Some Choos

As I've mentioned before in this blog this economic downfall has hit us vulnerable, yet very stylish, retail workers hard. While typically I am all about giving money to causes, I have found myself and colleagues to be our own very special cause. I am definitely Team Obama, but have noticed that retail is the one major industry that has not yet received a stimulus package.  So finally the very fabulous Devils in Prada, aka Vogue editors, around the world have decided to dedicate a night to our sorry asses.  Even if you do not live in the great NYC your own city is affected and you should therefore participate, because remember stores can not exist without people shopping nor will the economy get better.  And don't forget when you can shop local!

It's A Bitchfest

The pawparazzi was out in NYC over the weekend for Pet Fashion Week. While I am no Paris Hilton I do enjoy an adorable collar and a precious sweater every now and then, and as my puperonnies are my babies I enjoy spoiling them. I recently discovered K-9 Closet at my favorite doggie boutique and am ob-freaking-sessed! I have two adorable Pekingese pups Farrah as in Fawcett and Madeline as in the little yellow jacket. As they have long hair, I've been looking for a collar that would be thick enough to stand out in their long fur and finally have found it! For Madeline I picked up this Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs collar (top) that is to die for adorable and am about to go back to pick up this Asian Treat collar for Farrah (bottom). The best part is you can have them adorned with Swarovski crystals, now what bitch doesn't love a little bling!?

At Least They Serve Wine.

I am finally making a trip to see my college roommates and future bridesmaids in Maryland this weekend. Unfortunately to get there I have to fly. I am not scared of flying but hate sitting in a small space for over two hours, especially if the person next two you qualifies for the needs two seats rule. So in lieu of this I thought I would share my top 3 travel must haves.

1. An eye mask. I picked one up last Christmas at Bath and Body works for at $5.00 and never travel without it. It is the perfect way to block out the pain in the ass sitting next to you, especially if they are a talker. As soon as they lean over as if to ask me a question I simply slide on my mask and enjoy a peaceful flight.


2. Origins No Puffery. Put this in the fridge before you leave and you can enjoy a little spa treatment while cruising at high altitudes. I put on a thick layer while it is cool then tissue it off before landing. Viola, no puffy eyes!

3. Origins Peace of Mind (yes, I do have a slight obsession with this line of skin care). What does every spa have? Aromatherapy, and now you can take it with you. The mint smell of this product is very relaxing and it feels tingly when applied to the skin. I put it on my pressure points and try to survive the screaming children.

Now all you need is a glass of Pinot and it is smooth sailing.

I Need A Little Jackie Warner Ass Kickin'

Warning: If you are already a skinny bitch, then please go drink a damn milk shake!

I loathe the gym. To me there is nothing worse than sweating my chardonnay out on the elliptical while some skinny bitch next to me runs like a damn gazelle! I would move to one of those foreign countries where being grotesquely obese is beautiful in a heart beat. But, we live in a country that idolizes the waif shape so off I go to the gym making myself broken promises of Chik-fil-a if I complete a bootcamp class. In order to give myself just a little more motivation to do some extra crunches I went on a work out shopping spree and found some great basics so at least my fat ass will look good while I'm on the God forsaken StairMaster.


Old Navy has the best active wear. I LOVE their fold-over yoga pants and picked up a pair in every color and with them being under $20 each I got matching moisture wicking tanks too! Now I am one step closer to becoming a skinny bitch, so now what Jackie Warner!?

Has anyone tried Gap Inc.'s new Athleta line???

Your Mall Is Not A Flea Market

Every morning I turn on the Today Show and turn the volume waaaay up so I can hear about all the latest things happening while getting ready. Today while applying my Diorshow mascara I about poked myself in the eye when I heard Al Roker discussing haggling at retail stores, and they were not referring to pawn shops. I might be just slightly biased as a retail worker, but really!? Now I have already written Mr. Lauer and the rest of the gang in reference to this exact topic, but apparently my letter went unread. So let me share again my feelings on this subject. Like many I too have had to find ways to cut back in the last year, especially when I was unemployed from my retail job. A little Apparel Merchandising 101: Retail is the largest world wide industry and therefore employs the most people. Also, retail spending is one of the first areas people "cut back" during tough economic times leading to companies filing chapter 11 and making lay offs (which is what happened in my case). I have encountered these hagglers in real life who try things like, "So what kind of deal will you give me if I buy two pairs of these Theory pants?" my only response is this, "If you buy three I will throw in a goat for free." Unless you are buying a car this behavior is not acceptable. So go shopping and keep my sassy ass employed so I won't have to look like a fool again in line for unemployment with my Tory Burch bag!


If you wanna read this ridiculous article check it out here The Art of Haggling.

The Best Part Is You Can Wear It Again

While watching 27 Dresses for the millionth time tonight (I always pause for 10 minutes to admire Tess's gown, I am borderline stalking) I realized how cruel many brides are to their bridesmaids. I understand where many brides might fear their best friends looking better than them, but instead of putting them all in hideous lime green taffeta smocks perhaps they should have simply picked uglier bridesmaids. In an attempt to rationalize the $300 the bride's bitches have to spend on the hideous frocks every bride throws in the classic line of "you can wear it again," which is always said sincerely and enthusiastically as if it were really true. In an attempt to break this vicious cycle I have decided that I will allow my bridesmaids to chose their dresses, with some color guidance of course. The best way to do this is to go with black as it is a classic that everyone should have in their wardrobe anyway. When shopping for a perfect LBD remember two things: have the mind-set "What would Holly Golightly wear" and be willing to spend anything for the perfect fit as this is an investment piece. Theory makes my favorite LBD (as seen below) it has a knit top and woven bottom, and POCKETS! I have worn it literally everywhere from Holiday parties to work. It's a potential bride's bitches dream dress that really could be worn again!

If It's Good Enough For Bethenny Frankel...

We all remember the season of SATC when Carrie so fashionably let her roots show. It's easy to think that if SJP can skip a hair appointment then so can the rest of us, but remember SJP has a hair stylist making her non touch-upped highlights look put together. Personally, I have always feared boxed hair color for fear of turning my hair a fluorescent shade of orange, but then while watching The Today Show one morning I heard my favorite Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel comment on how some drugstore hair dye had saved her day. If you know anything about Bethenny then you are aware that one she knows her alcohol and two she does not sugar coat things, so I knew that if it worked for her it would work for me. One bottle of Clairol Nice 'N Easy and $6.00 later my roots were covered and I was able to last 4 more weeks before an appointment. So next time you are looking to save a little $$$ by trying to stetch time between appointments hit your local Target for a little color pick me up.